oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
