I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He shit in the fireplace
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
