Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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