I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
