she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
