one word: firstdatebathroomanal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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