...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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