After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize