I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
