oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
