but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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