She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
