Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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