your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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