Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
