I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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