I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
