So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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