I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize