you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
