Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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