I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize