I hate your face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
