Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I party with great urgency now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
