I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
