lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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