this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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