okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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