Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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