apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
