Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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