so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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