I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
