whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize