Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
