I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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