I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
