1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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