I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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