How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Boobs speak an international language.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
