Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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