Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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