I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
