I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize