Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
