i'm signing you up for texting rehab
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
