she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
