Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
