After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
