i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
