I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
