I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
