I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
