ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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