Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
