now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
