If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thus making me awesome and them whores
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
