He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She needs sedatives and a leash
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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