I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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