Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
