dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
