i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize