Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You are a genius and a whore.
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