my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
