Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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