barbara walters just said penis...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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