ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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