areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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