So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
