we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
