i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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