I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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