"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
