yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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