i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
