Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
